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Some old some new...

September 18th 2014 06:21
Thursday humour:

Some old some new
Some old some new


Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.

I think they were those J Hovis Witnesses.




After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.


Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.


Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.


A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ...
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...



ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!



Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!


Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.


Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?

Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
18
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three,ladies,night,protest,
Three ladies of the night...
Three Sydney sex workers have staged a protest at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas over the representation of their profession in a panel discussion on the global sex industry called Women For Sale.

They handed out pamphlets to festival goers and posed with an A3 sign that read “I am a sex worker. I am not for sale”.

This year’s festival has been beset with controversy, including the cancellation of a talk on “honour” killings and calls for a boycott over links to the government’s asylum seeker policy.

“This is a festival of dangerous ideology,” one of the workers, Jules Kim, told Guardian Australia. “Sex workers are not ‘women for sale’. The panel discusses sex workers, but the festival did not invite sex workers to be on the panel even though they are the experts in this field.”

Kim, who is the acting chief executive of the Australian sex workers’ organisation Scarlet Alliance, applied to festival organisers St James Ethics Centre to be included on the panel, which featured four writers and journalists, but had her request denied.

However, at the beginning of the discussion journalist Elizabeth Pisani invited Kim to replace her on stage and she was allowed to take part.

Kim said of the festival organisers: “You would think they’d want an actual sex worker [on the panel], but somehow that’s not important because we’re seen as victims; voiceless and having no agency.”

The co-founder and co-curator of the festival, Simon Longstaff of the St James Ethics Centre, said the intention of the sex workers to contribute to the discussion was “entirely appropriate”.

“However, I think that their cause could have been advanced in a stronger direction if they had used slightly different means. For example, taking the opportunity to express their opinion and then withdrawing back into the audience would have made a clear statement without seeking to dominate an agenda which was always intended to cover a broader range of issues.

“That said, a festival of dangerous ideas is always going to have interesting an exciting moments for which no one could have possibly planned.

“In my opinion what needed to be represented was a broad spectrum of opinion, which included the opinions of sex workers in Elizabeth Pisani, who was able to articulate the opinions that sex workers hold.

“One of the conscious designs of the festival is that ... there is opportunity for people to contribute in the Q&A and in that senses there was always an opportunity for sex workers or parents of sex workers or any part of the community to contribute to this discussion.”

The two other protesters, Zahra Stardust and Cameron Cox, said they were allowed to enter the panel only as audience members on condition they leave a bag carrying their sign and pamphlets at the entrance. Stardust said the festival was part of a “historical, structural, systemic problem”.

The advocate said lack of representation inevitably meant myths and misinformation harmful to the lives of sex workers would be reproduced. Those ideas would be used to justify the criminalisation of their work, and increase stigma and institutional discrimination.

She said among such myths were that all sex work is exploitation, all sex work is a result of human trafficking, sex work is an inherent form of violence against women, all sex workers are young, female and coerced, all clients are male, and that the criminalisation of sex work would end the sex industry.

The protesters said the panel – which overall was highly critical of sex work, emphasising its links to sexual slavery and human trafficking, and calling for the criminalisation of both sex work and its clients – failed to acknowledge the legitimacy of sex work.

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A smile, a pregnant pause...

August 27th 2014 07:27
smile, pregnant,pause, humour,
A smile, a pregnant pause...

by huttriverofnz
​

:ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her..
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
What he had to say for himself.

The man replied,
'Well your Honour, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus
I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said,
'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time
And sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'
... I just lost it.
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A smile, a pregnant pause...

August 27th 2014 07:27
smile, pregnant,pause, humour,
A smile, a pregnant pause...

by huttriverofnz
&#8203


[ Click here to read more ]
8
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A smile, a pregnant pause...

August 27th 2014 07:27
smile, pregnant,pause, humour,
A smile, a pregnant pause...

by huttriverofnz
&#8203


[ Click here to read more ]
8
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Don't be nervous son, do your best...

August 27th 2014 06:20
age,seen,it,all,
At my age I have seen it all...

by huttriverofnz

[ Click here to read more ]
8
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Irish Daredevils...

August 24th 2014 05:38
The Irish daredevils...
Deadly games...

by huttriverofnz

[ Click here to read more ]
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Hello neighbour...

August 14th 2014 08:20

by huttriverofnz
&#8203


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Father's ashes...

August 12th 2014 08:49
fathers,ashes,vase,lazy,
They have father's ashes in them...
by huttriverofnz

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in


[ Click here to read more ]
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Still believing in genies

August 9th 2014 05:58
still,believing, in genies,
Still believing in genies...
.

: A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course


[ Click here to read more ]
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